Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
