drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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