my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
