I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
