meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
