My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
