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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
