Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
