He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
