i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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