I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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