She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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