i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
do nipples grow back?
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