belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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