you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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