i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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