...so i touched it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
don't judge my taste in strippers
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
