I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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