I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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