Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
