If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
