Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
