I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
