i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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