He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
