don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
