I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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