I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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