I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
