He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
