so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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