Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They took my balls.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
