Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've blown a few things in my day
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize