what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im holly from the hills drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
