We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
