Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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