We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
