Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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