It's Friday. Sex?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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