I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
