just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i love accidental penises.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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