I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
