I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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