I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
