...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
