A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
