matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
