yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
