I puked a lego.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
