Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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