have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
