Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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