I wish I only lived at night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
