I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
