I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
